She'll Tempt Your Fate

[Boern]

"All hands on deck! Bring your weapons!" A shout was heard from above.
"Oh crap oh crap!" Leanne looked around the galley for something that would count as a weapon. Hastily she picked up a pan, lobbed the frying bacon through a small window into the sea, and rushed upstairs. "Aye aye captain, all ready captain!" She saluted and tried to look taller.
The captain nodded in a serious manner. "I like your enthusiasm. Keep that. Alright, here's the situation. We'll be arriving on the Booty Island* at any moment now and while I'll be digging around, you get to be the head of the ship. Look after her and make sure nothing happens to her. That sorta thing. Understood?" Leanne beamed. "Ohh, I get to be like a first mate? I won't let you down!"

UGH! The ship crashed onto a shore jerking the lone two sailors down onto the surface of the deck. The captain peered over the ship's bow "Aye, land ahoy! Lassie, bring me my bacon and I'll get to work." "Uhh, about that bacon..." Leanne pointed at the frying pan in her hands and at the absence of bacon. "Oh, I see. That is a tragedy." With that he hopped off the ship leaving Leanne to look after it alone.

"Oh boy, promoted to first mate on my first sea trip. That'll shut up all the naysayers." She twirled the frying pan in her hands.
An hour and two passed and Leanne started to get twitchy. She never really cared much for loitering. "Blergh, I should have gone with the captain to find some of that booty." She was toying with the ship's wheel and eyeing at the murky seas and foaming waves. "Ah what the hell, just a whirl around the island. No one will know. I need to learn some time." Leanne jumped off the helm to unfurl the sail and weigh the anchor. She lifted her frying pan up high in the sky and shouted "Avast! Thus a new captain is born. The Dread Captain Leanne." The ship's cat Tipsy startled and disappeared under the deck. "Hahaa, already feared by all!"

The ship let out an unhealthy creak as it started moving off the shore.

*It's not really called Booty Island

[Boern]

[Boern]

The hulking beast's senses sharpened. Its pupils dilated as it prepared to pounce. The prey had taken one step too close. The deer looked up as it sensed the danger but it was too late already. The beast charged out of the bushes and with one swift move seized the prey and snapped its neck. The beast spat on the ground, lifted the deer corpse on its shoulder and started humming a crude but surprisingly jamming tune. It went something like this: ♫ Duu duu du du... ahh whatever.

Night had already fallen when the beast reached its lair. The labyrinth was a ruin of what it used to be. Hedges had turned into overgrown brambles of shrubbery and time had ground the small archaic temple in the center into a ruin. Following the path the beast's hooves had left behind, it trundled into the temple and started preparing its meal. Preparing a meal meant ripping the deer apart and munching on the pieces. But something was wrong.



Slow breathing and an occasional snuffle was coming from its bed of carefully sorted hay. A wet lump of ragged clothing and messy hair had invaded the beast's bed and was now fast asleep. The minotaur was bewildered. It was not used to visitors, let alone someone having the brass to sleep in its bed like that. Carefully it approached the bed sniffing the air and slowly reached to poke the wet lump.

"No mom, just five more minutes mmghagh," Leanne mumbled and pushed the minotaur's hand away. She was snoring now. Not knowing how to react to this, the minotaur backed away and hid behind a pile of rocks which had fallen off the Temple's wall. Now it waited.

[Boern]

Did you know that cows rest approximately 14 hours per day? It's true.

Last night's hunt was starting to take its toll on the minotaur. So it wasn't long until it gave out a yawning moo and fell asleep behind the pile of rocks. Mooooo.

It startled awake. The sun was already up and was giving tranquil light into the temple through windows and cracks in walls. It inspected the surroundings. The bed was empty and and the girl was gone. It gave out a sigh of relief. Everything seemed fine again. It scratched its butt and trundled outdoors to answer nature's call. It was about to squat behind a hedge when suddenly...

"KIAAAHHH!"


Kapow, right on the nose. "Hahaa, got you!" Leanne shouted as she landed on the ground with a less than nimble roll. She dove into the undergrowth but the minotaur recovered quickly and grabbed her foot before she could disappear again. "Oh crap! That's not fair," Leanne said and was lifted upside down and was now face to face with the minotaur.

"Who are you?" the minotaur asked with a low thunderous voice.
"Dread Pirate Leanne." She was now swinging her free limbs wildly. "Or just Leanne now actually."
"Why do you disturb my peace, Leanne?" the minotaur asked.
"I'm... well, I'm in some trouble and I was searching for shelter and I don't know what to do. Maybe you could help me?" answered Leanne.
"No. I don't help." the minotaur answered
" If you help me, you could get rich."
"I don't need gold."
"Famous then."
"I like alone."
"Maybe see the world?"
"I've seen enough."
"Well uhh... I'll get you a kitten if you help me."
The minotaur thought about this for a moment "...what kind of kitten?"
"One with floppy ears?"
"No."
"Goddamnit." Leanne sighed. "What if I ask nicely? Please. I won't make it alone. I need your help."
The minotaur looked at the girl who had kicked him in the face earlier. The girl looked back with tired eyes. He put her back down on the ground and growled "okay".
"Really?" Her face brightened. "Sweet, here's what we will do..."

[Boern]

"Why did you kick me?"
"Oh ehheh. I figured you would appreciate a straightforward approach."
"It hurt."
"Aaw, I'm sorry."

[Boern]

The two of them were walking on a forest road. Leanne was showing the minotaur something.
"...and then we swoop in, grab the gold and make our heroic escape into the forest." Leanne explained with the help of animated hand gestures
"Like bandits." The minotaur nodded and gave a thumbs up.
"No, not like bandits. What? No. Think more more of the way of freedom fighters. We fight for our freedom to do what we want and take what we please."
"Oh."
"Take from the rich and give it to the poor. Like heroes in the old legends. To balance things out. Hey, what's over there?"
On the side of the road stood a wooden sign which had recently been hammered into the mossy ground.

The sign said *FUNGUS FAIR - Come one, come all, there's much room for a fun guy*

"Oh sweet, I love fairs! Ooh, I bet you've never been to a fair. Lots of people, animals, games, and best of all, candy apples. It's great, I tell you! We need to go." Leanne beamed with excitement.
"Hardly a place for a beast," the minotaur noted.
"Oh crap. That might be a problem. How unfair!"
"Meh, I'll survive. Never liked crowds."
"Okay. You hide here for a while and I will go scout the fair for leads. I won't be away for long, I promise. And I'll bring you something nice."

The minotaur let out a moo of agreement and went to look for some squirrels to snack on. Leanne scampered off towards the fair with a bounce in her step.

The fair was built on a small open hill in the midst of the forest. People were bustling from stand to stand having a good time. All the big name mushroom aficionados (both of them) had come to showcase and compare their fungi collections.
Leanne was drooling next to a candy apple stand but her lack of coin was getting her spirits down somewhat. Next to the candy apple stand stood a gypsy caravan and a woman was calling out to Leanne on its steps.
"My my, looks like girl is down on her luck. But what does the future hold for the girl? Why not let the Arcana part the veil of mystery some?" She was holding a strange looking card in her hand.



Leanne gave a sceptical look. "I don't know if I trust cards for that. I'd rather make my own fate."
The gypsy woman smirked. "We all make our own of fate. But sadly, we are small creatures in the scale cosmos. Larger forces are at play. Why not find out what they have in store for you?"
"Well, I suppose there's no harm in that." Leanne shrugged.
"No harm indeed. The girl is welcome to the table. Pick a card. Any card you like." The gypsy woman gestured at a covered table next to her. The table had 78 cards placed in an orderly circle.
Leanne had her eyes closed while she picked her card and turned it over on the table. "Oh wow, that looks weird. What does it mean?"

The gypsy woman studied the card.
"Ahh, The Wheel of Fortune reveals itself before the girl. The card of cycles. Life is made of ups and downs. Sometimes you need the bad to recognize the good, darkness to contrast the light. It suggests that you take an active hand to remain on the upside of the Wheel and not to be discouraged when facing adversity. In a crisis lies an opportunity. Does this help the girl?"
"I don't know, maybe. Is there anything more concrete you can tell?"
"Hmmh, the cards are quite old fashioned. Trustworthy, but not always very detailed. Let's give this baby a whirl." The gypsy lifted up a crystal ball from under the table. She blew dusts off it and rubbed her hands together. The ball glowed with a faint cool light. The gypsy locked eyes with Leanne and her hands motioned above the crystal ball. Words started to appear inside it.

monsoon wets the dust
make amends with life you must
eat banana bread

The gypsy clinked the ball a few time and gave it a sturdy shake. "Curses! Not this again. Sorry, it's been acting out lately. Giving out senseless words. Maybe I can help the girl with something else. Maybe an enemy could use a good hex? I happen to know some pretty nasty curses."
"I think I'm good for now thanks," said Leanne
"Very well. You know who to find when the time comes." The gypsy woman winked at Leanne.

[Boern]

The minotaur was munching on a squirrel when he sensed commotion coming from the fairgrounds. He went closer to investigate while staying hidden the best he could. Yup, no surprise there; Leanne's voice was heard loudest over everyone else's; "Oh yeah? You have to catch me first you jelly-belly slobs!". The minotaur sighed. After a slight hesitation he charged towards the fair.

Leanne was being pursued. An angry band of people were on her heels waving their fists while she was throwing insults at them. She ran behind a corner of a tent to cut the line of sight but bumped into something hard. She looked up. "Oh hey, you came after all,". The minotaur growled and grabbed Leanne with one arm. He stomped over some fair tents as people were fleeing and diving out of the way in panic. The pursuers turned on their tails and ran. He dragged Leanne behind him back into the safety of the forest.

"Why were they chasing you?" The minotaur asked.
"I dunno, I didn't stay to find out. But never mind all that that. Look what I got!" Leanne presented the two candy apples that she was holding in her hands. "This one's for you," she said and handed one of the apples to the minotaur.
"Oh." He inspected the apple carefully first and then took a big bite and nodded. "It's good."
"Welcome to my world, my friend. From now on it will be candy apples and good times every day! But first things first. People know about us now. We need a base of operation. A hideout. Like a pirate cove. But uhh, no pirates."
"Just a cove then?"
"I suppose. Or no, it doesn't have to be a cove. Could be anything as long as the place is safe and hidden away," Leanne noted.
"Hmmh, I know a place."

On the side of a mountain range there was a stone tower. On the side of the tower there was a door. On the door there was a knock.

"Why would you knock if the place is abandoned?" Leanne asked.
"Someone could have moved in."
Leanne looked around. Mountains loomed quietly over them. Overgrown weeds were swaying in the wind "Nah. It's ours now." She kicked the door but failed to make it budge. "Do you mind?" The minotaur shrugged and shoulder barged the door. It came crashing down from its hinges. "Good. We'll need to fix that later."

The tower used to serve as far out outpost of now a long forgotten kingdom. It was a good distance away from all major towns on a desolate area and thus was spared from the conflicts of rivaling forces. Now it seemed abandoned.

"Oh boy, it's dusty in here," said Leanne. Despite it being dusty, the tower was in a surprisingly good condition for being vacant for who knows how long. It was as if the occupants had left the place mid-breakfast and no one had been there since. The minotaur busted through another door to find a small armory with still some now old as dirt weaponry and armor in it. He growled dismissively but Leanne was super excited to find some new gear and started immediately to browse through the rusty swords and moldy leather armor for something fitting.

"Pretty snappy, don't you think?" Asked Leanne.



"Pssh, fancy clothes don't make a warrior." The minotaur pounded its chest. "It's what's in here that matters."
"Ooh, in your heart? How deep of you."
"No, I mean in your muscles. Biceps mostly."
"Ha, you're silly."
The minotaur frowned. "Strange how all these items were just left here."
Leanne shrugged. "Strange maybe, but it's been years. Finders keepers and so on. We are the new rulers of this tower!" Leanne did a clumsy spin move and slashed her rapier at a mug knocking it on the floor.

[Boern]

Iski puuta olkahalla,
koivun pintaa kolautteli.
Puu myöden alta antoi,
säleheksi säpsähteli.
Asteli sisään tornihin,
omakseen ajattelevi.

"What's with the fake beard?"
"It's a thing where I come from."

[Boern]

(Goddamn Dropbox, ya goofers.)

Leanne: "Okay, try this one. This one's good: Knock knock."
Minotaur: "Uh, who is there?"
Leanne: "Ivan."
Minotaur: "Ivan who?"
Leanne "Ivan to suck your blood, ah ah ahaa."
Minotaur: "Heh... I don't get it."

Leanne frowned and downed her mug of warm ale. She begun to explain the magic of knock-knock jokes when there was an actual knock on the actual non-joke door of the tower. Leanne and the Minotaur tensed up.
"Uhh, who's there?" Leanne called at the door.
"A traveler, looking for shelter foer ze night." a voice behind the door called back.
"It's not Ivan, is it?" asked the Minotaur.
"Ivan? No, my name iz Doctor Odilon. Please, the night is falling. Zis not safe out here."
Leanne thought for a bit and decided she wasn't completely heartless just yet. Only mostly. Besides, some new company would be exciting. "Alright, come on in. But no tricksies, swindles, hoodwinks, or backstabsies. Are we clear?"
"Of course. Zank you."

A haggard-looking man walked in.


He rubbed his hands together. "Zis good to get in the varm." His outlandish coat was in rags, his boots were worn, and his eyes seemed tired. He seemed harmless enough, so Leanne led him to the dining table. Odilon did a short bow at the Minotaur. He didn't seem to be bothered by the giant beast in the room.
"Hungry? We got some meats," said the minotaur.
"Ah, no zank you. I carry my own, uh, zustenance."
"You said you were a doctor. What brings you out in the wilds?" Leanne asked.
Odilon's eyes lit up. "I am a collector of sorts. I seek for art, artefacts, all zings beautiful."
Leanne put her hands up and grinned. "Beautiful, eh? I think you found what you were seeking then."
Odilon chuckled. "No offense meant but I find humans to be gruesome. Riddled with diseases and parasites. I search for zomething more - perfect.
"Wow man, that hurts. Cuts deep. But huh, are you saying then that there's something valuable around here?"
"Ah, maybe. Zat is vhat I am here to investigate. Zere are often vonders to be found in unusual places. But enough questions for zoday. I need my rest. Iz there a room vhere I could enjoy some, uh, privacy?"
"Well, there's the basement but-"
"Zat vill do. Zank you again for letting me stay for ze night."

Leanne shrugged and showed Odilon the way downstairs.