Do you like my essay?
Moderator: Game Masters
Re: Do you like my essay?
I got the point of the short story. But it bothers me that it's somehow rewarded to write something like the second essay.
"last i knew it was illegal to hate someone" Richard Mota
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Daren Priesten
- Posts: 1247
- Joined: Sat Mar 28, 2009 5:24 pm
Re: Do you like my essay?
The class does not have many boundaries, the essay was satirical. It was a process essay so I did follow the guidelines needed. My teacher is also really laid back and enjoys humorous writings.
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Daren Priesten
- Posts: 1247
- Joined: Sat Mar 28, 2009 5:24 pm
Re: Do you like my essay?
If You Think You're a Rockstar... (Cause and Effect Essay)
The bar was packed full of raging alcoholics and the smell of beer and cigarettes cascaded in the room. “I’ll have another martini.” Leah mumbled, swiftly catching eyes with the bartender and smiling. “That’ll be eleven dollars, miss.” The bartender responded, and she wearily reached into her brown Coach purse and pulled out a twenty. “Keep the change...” she started, as she extended her hand towards the bartender. “Thanks a lot.” the bartender responded, moving on to the next customer. Leah tried to stay steady on her stool; luckily her butt was big enough to keep her from falling over. She turned over and looked at the pool table, and wondered what it would be like to have sex on it. The room seemed to dim as she started humming a reggae tune in her head. The noises in the room were jumbled with voices and music; she placed her hand on her head and went back to sipping her martini.
The martini was made just right; cold and dry, and there was an olive impaled by a black plastic sword and left floating in her drink, it tasted fine to her. This was the first time Leah went to a bar alone, she looked at it like an adventure. She remembered the time she got with her friends and dressed up as pirates and located treasure with maps they made. She laughed at the thought that they actually buried the treasure themselves, too. Oh no, she thought, as she sipped at the little drops of alcohol avoiding her straw at the bottom of her glass. “Hey! Bartender!” Leah shouted across the table, curious eyes glanced over at her and back to normal conversation. The bartender waved his hand at her and continued with the current drink he was making. The drink he was making looked tasty, he was mixing gin and sprite and added a juicy lemon in the concoction, Leah missed the last couple ingredients he put in it. The bartender lifted the drink and gave it to a customer and proceeded back to Leah. “Yes, what can I get for you, miss?” he questioned. “What was that drink you were making there, it looks fantastic!” she said, or at least she thought she did as the bartender looked at her strange. “Do you want one?” he inquired.
“Yes, I’ll have that.” she said, still wondering why the bartender didn’t seem to understand her very well. The drink was a light green and it sparkled like diamonds when it passed over the counter under the light fixtures placed neatly above. “I, I think she’s had enough.” a man said across the bar. “I’ve been watching her drinks, I am cutting her off on this last one and calling her a cab” the bartender informed, and the man made a strange noise and continued his conversation with a fellow biker. Yes, that’s right, he’s on my side! She thought. “That’ll be twelve dollars.” The bartender said. Leah pulled out another twenty and waved it around like a bird in front of the bartender. “Keep the change.”
The outside breeze was welcoming this night, Leah wobbled out of her stool professionally keeping the drink in her hand. The bartender was on the phone, and she sneaked out the door. Nobody saw her, she was certain. She turned back and saw the lively crowd in the bar and turned back in front of her and stared at the moon. “Oh Moon, take me away, far, far away.” she told the moon, and seemingly walked zigzag in the parking lot. Leah took a big swig of her awesome drink and threw it down on the pavement. “Oops! Hee hee!” she squealed, and twirled towards the road. Her house was walking distance, just five miles away from the bar. She started humming and stumbling across the road. A car swiftly zoomed behind her and horns blared and faded away in the distance.
“Almost there!” She was at the median now; her plan to get across the road was almost a complete success. The tires from the cars rumbled on the road and vibrated under her purple shoes, she was caught between a sudden crisscross of cars in both directions. The world started to revolve around her and she found herself puking in the grass of the median in the road. She lifted herself up and ran towards the other side of the road, only to be smashed by a passing car. Leah flew across the road and rolled for about a hundred feet, a crack was heard in her hip as she struggled to get back up. The driver of the car rushed out of his yellow taxi cab, yelling and screaming while frantically dialing 9-1-1. After the emergency call, he then started to dial the number to a bar where he was supposed to pick up a drunken lady.
The bar was packed full of raging alcoholics and the smell of beer and cigarettes cascaded in the room. “I’ll have another martini.” Leah mumbled, swiftly catching eyes with the bartender and smiling. “That’ll be eleven dollars, miss.” The bartender responded, and she wearily reached into her brown Coach purse and pulled out a twenty. “Keep the change...” she started, as she extended her hand towards the bartender. “Thanks a lot.” the bartender responded, moving on to the next customer. Leah tried to stay steady on her stool; luckily her butt was big enough to keep her from falling over. She turned over and looked at the pool table, and wondered what it would be like to have sex on it. The room seemed to dim as she started humming a reggae tune in her head. The noises in the room were jumbled with voices and music; she placed her hand on her head and went back to sipping her martini.
The martini was made just right; cold and dry, and there was an olive impaled by a black plastic sword and left floating in her drink, it tasted fine to her. This was the first time Leah went to a bar alone, she looked at it like an adventure. She remembered the time she got with her friends and dressed up as pirates and located treasure with maps they made. She laughed at the thought that they actually buried the treasure themselves, too. Oh no, she thought, as she sipped at the little drops of alcohol avoiding her straw at the bottom of her glass. “Hey! Bartender!” Leah shouted across the table, curious eyes glanced over at her and back to normal conversation. The bartender waved his hand at her and continued with the current drink he was making. The drink he was making looked tasty, he was mixing gin and sprite and added a juicy lemon in the concoction, Leah missed the last couple ingredients he put in it. The bartender lifted the drink and gave it to a customer and proceeded back to Leah. “Yes, what can I get for you, miss?” he questioned. “What was that drink you were making there, it looks fantastic!” she said, or at least she thought she did as the bartender looked at her strange. “Do you want one?” he inquired.
“Yes, I’ll have that.” she said, still wondering why the bartender didn’t seem to understand her very well. The drink was a light green and it sparkled like diamonds when it passed over the counter under the light fixtures placed neatly above. “I, I think she’s had enough.” a man said across the bar. “I’ve been watching her drinks, I am cutting her off on this last one and calling her a cab” the bartender informed, and the man made a strange noise and continued his conversation with a fellow biker. Yes, that’s right, he’s on my side! She thought. “That’ll be twelve dollars.” The bartender said. Leah pulled out another twenty and waved it around like a bird in front of the bartender. “Keep the change.”
The outside breeze was welcoming this night, Leah wobbled out of her stool professionally keeping the drink in her hand. The bartender was on the phone, and she sneaked out the door. Nobody saw her, she was certain. She turned back and saw the lively crowd in the bar and turned back in front of her and stared at the moon. “Oh Moon, take me away, far, far away.” she told the moon, and seemingly walked zigzag in the parking lot. Leah took a big swig of her awesome drink and threw it down on the pavement. “Oops! Hee hee!” she squealed, and twirled towards the road. Her house was walking distance, just five miles away from the bar. She started humming and stumbling across the road. A car swiftly zoomed behind her and horns blared and faded away in the distance.
“Almost there!” She was at the median now; her plan to get across the road was almost a complete success. The tires from the cars rumbled on the road and vibrated under her purple shoes, she was caught between a sudden crisscross of cars in both directions. The world started to revolve around her and she found herself puking in the grass of the median in the road. She lifted herself up and ran towards the other side of the road, only to be smashed by a passing car. Leah flew across the road and rolled for about a hundred feet, a crack was heard in her hip as she struggled to get back up. The driver of the car rushed out of his yellow taxi cab, yelling and screaming while frantically dialing 9-1-1. After the emergency call, he then started to dial the number to a bar where he was supposed to pick up a drunken lady.